Ten months update ...IT'S A NEW YEAR!!!!...
Started
student teaching. It's fun. I walk around the hall and there is a timer
is my head and it keep up with the seconds. I guess it's natural to
treat everyone like a 1st grader when you were 1st grade teacher for
half a century, but sometime it's annoying. I am 4 months away from
being a college graduate I don't need you to tell me AND SHOW me how to
sequence numbers (ARE YOU KIDDING ME WOMEN! :) )
Actually that
didn't bother me, what bothered me is the fact that it took her 58
seconds to think of the last number she wrote. ( Yes, I am literally
counting the seconds).
Things that bother me
1. Are You volunteering?
Teachers and staff asking me if I am volunteering, I get this question
EVERY DAY once or twice. Now I say , "YES! I am volunteering". "OH!
that so nice of you, good for you". WHAT? WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU? I created this bad habit of imagining things in my head, like when the lady said "good for you", I imagined smashing her face on the copier and ask her " WHAT IS GOOD FOR ME ? IS THIS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU ? ( while I make copies of her face). OH and the other night I waited for my father and brother in-law after work to give them ride home. Let me say this, first of all it was Sunday I had to get up at 6:00 next morning and I waited for them 1 hour and half it was 11:00 by the time they come out and on our way they had the audacity to talk about how bad of a drive women are, first of all they are in my car so I imagined pulling over to the side of the highway and telling them something is wrong with the car and when they get off DRIVE AWAY! ( BOY WAS THAT FUNNY WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING IN MY HEAD)
I
learned few important lessons this past few months. I learned that
there is no point in getting angry and annoyed by yourself and to
yourself.(Get it). I use to tell myself that it's natural to get
angry and annoyed but now I found a solution. I do get angry and annoyed
but I learned how to calm myself down in like 0 second. I chant
DONUTS !DONUTS! MY BED ! KOREAN DRAMAS!
And BAAM! I am smiling in 0 second(s) .
The
hardest thing about student teaching is getting up in the morning. The
DONUTS chant doesn't work in the morning. So, I cover my self and try to
forward the day to 3:30 P.M using my magic remote. I never fail, it
never works either. There is nothing wrong in trying magic.
So
I love weekends because I am not at school but at work and I don't have
to wake up as early but I am sales person and I HATE PEOPLE! SO that
is a problem. So, I like week days because I don't have to deal with
stupid people , actually I do but they are not paying me so. OH! ANOTHER
ANNOYING THING ABOUT STUDENT TEACHING IS "DO YOU GET PAID? (question)
"NO" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". I guess I would have been less grumpy if
I was paid. :)
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Let your happiness cost less
When I was growing up, family was everything to me it was water, food, air, and everything in between that is essential to human kind. And my parents felt the same way, they loved us just as much maybe more. But every now and than it felt like there was someone else they loved more than their own children. Growing up I envied that person. His absence made my mom cry, my father angry. I wanted to hate it with all my heart but then his present made my mom smile and my father laugh. As they gave him complete freedom over their happiness. I couldn't decide whether to intensely hate it or passionately love it.
As I grew older the person stay the same, he would come and go, as they didn't have control over him. There were days when mom would leave home day light to look for him. It seemed as everything depended on him our education, food, shelter, and most importantly our smile was highly depended on him.
I finally realized that mom and dad had different prospective over him. Dad was careless with him as he didn't care if it come or not, on the other hand mom was attentive and guarded him when he goes and comes. I decided to be like my dad, I liked the way he didn't care and let it go. Although I don't blame my moms she watched over him in order to protect us
. I wondered if there was a common ground? I wondered if his constant present would be the common ground? than mom wouldn't guarded him too much and dad could embrace him without give him a total control over his life.
My calculation were right but not quite there, I left out an important part of the equation. I have seen people who had it more. but never satisfied, I though to myself if he was present in our house that way, WE WOULD BE SATISFIED why aren't they happy. I realized that the more you have the more your happiness will cost. If you do have it constantly it's never enough unless you have something called iman. Therefor always shoot for less, and your happiness will cost less.
As I grew older the person stay the same, he would come and go, as they didn't have control over him. There were days when mom would leave home day light to look for him. It seemed as everything depended on him our education, food, shelter, and most importantly our smile was highly depended on him.
I finally realized that mom and dad had different prospective over him. Dad was careless with him as he didn't care if it come or not, on the other hand mom was attentive and guarded him when he goes and comes. I decided to be like my dad, I liked the way he didn't care and let it go. Although I don't blame my moms she watched over him in order to protect us
. I wondered if there was a common ground? I wondered if his constant present would be the common ground? than mom wouldn't guarded him too much and dad could embrace him without give him a total control over his life.
My calculation were right but not quite there, I left out an important part of the equation. I have seen people who had it more. but never satisfied, I though to myself if he was present in our house that way, WE WOULD BE SATISFIED why aren't they happy. I realized that the more you have the more your happiness will cost. If you do have it constantly it's never enough unless you have something called iman. Therefor always shoot for less, and your happiness will cost less.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Half the man my father is
Than when he got better, I was already grown. I passed the stage when I could build a father-daughter attachment. He had many hobby, that kept him away or busy from home. And It felt like when ever he was there he was either busy with his hobby or sleeping. The only time we spend time with my father was when we had electricity outage (light saving), he use to play many games with us, I use to secretly wish for power outage more often, not to spend time with my dad, of course more game time :) For a while dad was just a dad to me. As I grew up our relationship got better but it was still limited.
Now that I am grown and he is growing old , I have start to see different side of my father, I wish I could be half the person my father is. I have never met anyone who is more patient, passionate, giving,forbearing wise and religious than my father. I am not saying this just because he my father, but honest he is all that and many more. He never complains, never holds grudge. In his world there is no poor he give all he has, there is no sadness he is always smiling, no down time, no regrets, no negativity. If I could go back, I won't change a bit about our relationship. May Allah make my children as lucky as I am to have a father just like my father.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Death
Eid Mubarak kulu aam' wantum bikhery, May Allah swt accept your hajj, soom,and many more of your good deeds.
I always blog when I have so much to do, I guess its my way of escaping the reality .
Anyways, For the past few months or so, I had been having this terrifying feeling that I am going to die. Alhamdulilaah I feel much better and I couldn't ask for more. What doesn't kill you makes your Iman stronger, and that is exactly what happen to me.
A week or two weeks ago, I was in biology lecture class when my lab partner asked me if I read my email this morning, then he told the our Lab professor passed away. Shocking news, just that Monday he talked about how he doesn't consume any sea food, because of the oil spill and bad chemicals and what not. As simple as that he was gone. He thought he had control over it, but do we really have control over our life at all? He got into car accident that week.
So, after class was over. I read the email. They were informing us that he was dead in auto-accident when he lost control over the vehicle. At the end of the email it said, " please remember you have class this following Monday. It honestly bothered me the fact that she had the audacity to put that sentence in the same email. So we went to class on Monday as usually, we have new professor, no one mentioned him, except this guy who asked us how we find out. After that conversation no one talked about him. Just like that he was forgotten. We continued that lab work as usual. This is life. That moment when you die, the first thing people will forget is your name, they will call you the "mawat" dead body". They will cry for you (your close relative) than they will move on with the help of Allah.
You don't need a microscope to see that you're ALONE, only Allah is with you. It's you Vs the world. Depending on how you use your traveling time.
Most people are terrified when death is mentioned because they expect the worst, knowing what they did. But what if we're dead now. Well, good muslims are, because to them this world is the worst place they will ever be in. May Allah swt make us among the righteous. YA Allah when death comes to us make us among those you're satisfying with. AMEEN AMEEN.
I always blog when I have so much to do, I guess its my way of escaping the reality .
Anyways, For the past few months or so, I had been having this terrifying feeling that I am going to die. Alhamdulilaah I feel much better and I couldn't ask for more. What doesn't kill you makes your Iman stronger, and that is exactly what happen to me.
A week or two weeks ago, I was in biology lecture class when my lab partner asked me if I read my email this morning, then he told the our Lab professor passed away. Shocking news, just that Monday he talked about how he doesn't consume any sea food, because of the oil spill and bad chemicals and what not. As simple as that he was gone. He thought he had control over it, but do we really have control over our life at all? He got into car accident that week.
So, after class was over. I read the email. They were informing us that he was dead in auto-accident when he lost control over the vehicle. At the end of the email it said, " please remember you have class this following Monday. It honestly bothered me the fact that she had the audacity to put that sentence in the same email. So we went to class on Monday as usually, we have new professor, no one mentioned him, except this guy who asked us how we find out. After that conversation no one talked about him. Just like that he was forgotten. We continued that lab work as usual. This is life. That moment when you die, the first thing people will forget is your name, they will call you the "mawat" dead body". They will cry for you (your close relative) than they will move on with the help of Allah.
You don't need a microscope to see that you're ALONE, only Allah is with you. It's you Vs the world. Depending on how you use your traveling time.
Most people are terrified when death is mentioned because they expect the worst, knowing what they did. But what if we're dead now. Well, good muslims are, because to them this world is the worst place they will ever be in. May Allah swt make us among the righteous. YA Allah when death comes to us make us among those you're satisfying with. AMEEN AMEEN.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Endangered language
I discovered that one language dies ever14 days. There are more than 6 thousands language around the world. I am not going to say the Somali language is endangered language at this moment. But soon it will be.
Somali people are all over the world. I have cousins don't speak "afsomali"They were born abroad and these kids don't not even know one word. All of our neighbors 99% of their kids DO NOT SPEAK SOMALI. when I say they don't speak it, i don't mean fluently I am mean NOT EVEN A WORD they cannot say one sentence correctly.
These dying languages didn't vanish over night. Those who spoke it didn't share and taught the second generation and it disappear from there.
When a language dies the culture dies, when the culture dies the heritage dies.
I honestly blame the parents. I was not born in Somali. Matter fact I have ever been to Somali. But I speak, read and write fluently. When I was growing up I loved to read in Somali. But there was not enough books to read, I remember reading adult novels book that was almost 100+ pages I read it more than 10 times. I was just so in love with the idea of reading.
So there is not many books to read. And as far as I am consider reading is the best tool to learn how to write. Read and over all improves your vocabulary. Google launched endangered languages website it's neat. I like it.
Like I said if we don't take action and do something about it one day this language will be in the endangered languages list.
It honestly hurts me to watch our beautiful language die
I wish I could do something about it. For those of you who are parents, especially mothers please and please teach your children their language.
Somali people are all over the world. I have cousins don't speak "afsomali"They were born abroad and these kids don't not even know one word. All of our neighbors 99% of their kids DO NOT SPEAK SOMALI. when I say they don't speak it, i don't mean fluently I am mean NOT EVEN A WORD they cannot say one sentence correctly.
These dying languages didn't vanish over night. Those who spoke it didn't share and taught the second generation and it disappear from there.
When a language dies the culture dies, when the culture dies the heritage dies.
I honestly blame the parents. I was not born in Somali. Matter fact I have ever been to Somali. But I speak, read and write fluently. When I was growing up I loved to read in Somali. But there was not enough books to read, I remember reading adult novels book that was almost 100+ pages I read it more than 10 times. I was just so in love with the idea of reading.
So there is not many books to read. And as far as I am consider reading is the best tool to learn how to write. Read and over all improves your vocabulary. Google launched endangered languages website it's neat. I like it.
Like I said if we don't take action and do something about it one day this language will be in the endangered languages list.
It honestly hurts me to watch our beautiful language die
I wish I could do something about it. For those of you who are parents, especially mothers please and please teach your children their language.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Ramadan Kariim
Ramadan Kariim to all of you muslims around the globe. I am late this this year, I am 4 days late apologies :). Alhamdulilaah we reached yet another blessed month. May Allah swt make you those who take full advantage of this blessed month. Please keep the sick and poor and dead in your prayers
Personally this Ramadan is a little bit hard for me, I got a bad acid reflux, h pylori this past 6 months and its taking over my life. Only Allah cures, May Allah swt cure me and those who are sick /Alhamdulilaah so far so good, May Allah make it easy for me and all of you.
This might be the last one you fast, or mine who knows. Make it the best one InshaAllah.
My extra dua goes out to the men who are not taking breaking lol hang it there. I also want to send my dua to the sisters who are standing over the oven to cook your iftar keep her in your prayers InshaAllah. Trust me its not easy, the heat and standing for at least 2 to 3 hours then tarawiih and the last 10 day tajid, yeah that's is a lot of standing right.
Make sure your eyes, ears, hands, legs and most importantly your tongue is fasting too. Give what you can, remember sadaqa is not just money. Help others, relieve their worry, and most important smile. :)
I also want to send my dua to those of you who are living in Denmark, 21 hours of fasting is not easy, May Allah swt shower his mercy Upton you all.
Till next Ramdan, Ramadan Mubarak hang in there guys !!!!!!
Personally this Ramadan is a little bit hard for me, I got a bad acid reflux, h pylori this past 6 months and its taking over my life. Only Allah cures, May Allah swt cure me and those who are sick /Alhamdulilaah so far so good, May Allah make it easy for me and all of you.
This might be the last one you fast, or mine who knows. Make it the best one InshaAllah.
My extra dua goes out to the men who are not taking breaking lol hang it there. I also want to send my dua to the sisters who are standing over the oven to cook your iftar keep her in your prayers InshaAllah. Trust me its not easy, the heat and standing for at least 2 to 3 hours then tarawiih and the last 10 day tajid, yeah that's is a lot of standing right.
Make sure your eyes, ears, hands, legs and most importantly your tongue is fasting too. Give what you can, remember sadaqa is not just money. Help others, relieve their worry, and most important smile. :)
I also want to send my dua to those of you who are living in Denmark, 21 hours of fasting is not easy, May Allah swt shower his mercy Upton you all.
Till next Ramdan, Ramadan Mubarak hang in there guys !!!!!!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Get Close to Allah
Alhamdulilaah, there shouldn't be a day when we don't say Alhamdulilaah. Every day that I pray, I asked god to bring me close to him, I asked for my heart to be filled with love for Islam and Allah swt.
I guess I was waiting for a breeze air to touch my heart and I shall get closer to Allah.
The sad part is that when it happed I didn't even realized it, when my heart poured to Allah, when I stood for prayer longer than I ever did, when the name of Allah was mentioned how my heart melted and how I found peace within.
I looked at the negative side of what was happing to me, I felt like I was being tested and even punished for what I did. The sheydan got the best of me. He whispered why is Allah not answering your prayers. Alhamdulilaah Allah gave me the straight to get back up and not give up my prayers as they'll be answered one day, I might not know that day but it will happen,Insha'Allah
Allah said call upon me and I shall answer.
The thing is people around me wanted me to get better so they did everything they could. Some said I was possessed by sheydan, some said it was evil eye, it was this and that...
Almost everyone told me what to read whether it's quran or dua. Honestly I did. But what I was missing was the trust. I was waiting for a instant recovery. I thought I was sick, till I remember those who are really sick day and night yet keep smile on their face.
If anything, this made me a better muslim, what ever Allah brings your way there is perfect reason. Don't question it say Alhamdulilaah and accept and pray for relieve.
I prayed and became a lot better muslim than I would ever imagine. As I stood in my prayers every single day my eyes filled with tears. Yet the shaydaan would asks me if Allah is so great why didn't he answer your prayer even though you were sincere. I was blinded from the prayer I made that was accepted, because I was so focused on the one I was making at that moment.
The sheydan might be whispering in your ears but he has no power over you. The point of this never give up asking Allah. It took prophet Ayuud many years yet he never gave up hope. And alway try to look at the positive side of the situation. Allah does not bring misery to man which he can not handle. If you're being tested you are loved by Allah. How beautiful is that.
Every time you feel like you need a someone to be there for you, remember you have Allah who is more powerful.
I guess I was waiting for a breeze air to touch my heart and I shall get closer to Allah.
The sad part is that when it happed I didn't even realized it, when my heart poured to Allah, when I stood for prayer longer than I ever did, when the name of Allah was mentioned how my heart melted and how I found peace within.
I looked at the negative side of what was happing to me, I felt like I was being tested and even punished for what I did. The sheydan got the best of me. He whispered why is Allah not answering your prayers. Alhamdulilaah Allah gave me the straight to get back up and not give up my prayers as they'll be answered one day, I might not know that day but it will happen,Insha'Allah
Allah said call upon me and I shall answer.
The thing is people around me wanted me to get better so they did everything they could. Some said I was possessed by sheydan, some said it was evil eye, it was this and that...
Almost everyone told me what to read whether it's quran or dua. Honestly I did. But what I was missing was the trust. I was waiting for a instant recovery. I thought I was sick, till I remember those who are really sick day and night yet keep smile on their face.
If anything, this made me a better muslim, what ever Allah brings your way there is perfect reason. Don't question it say Alhamdulilaah and accept and pray for relieve.
I prayed and became a lot better muslim than I would ever imagine. As I stood in my prayers every single day my eyes filled with tears. Yet the shaydaan would asks me if Allah is so great why didn't he answer your prayer even though you were sincere. I was blinded from the prayer I made that was accepted, because I was so focused on the one I was making at that moment.
The sheydan might be whispering in your ears but he has no power over you. The point of this never give up asking Allah. It took prophet Ayuud many years yet he never gave up hope. And alway try to look at the positive side of the situation. Allah does not bring misery to man which he can not handle. If you're being tested you are loved by Allah. How beautiful is that.
Every time you feel like you need a someone to be there for you, remember you have Allah who is more powerful.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Since I could remember I couldn't wait to turn 23. That was the deadline, matter fact according to my book I should be married at the age of 23. Now that the deadline is approaching, I don't even want to think about marriage.
Watching my sisters fall in love and get married and move out is making me paranoid to leave the life I have known and the people that meant everything to me behind and follow a "guy" I met yesterday. BUT That's how this family that I can't let go started. mother met father and left to live with him and start a family, and that is what my sisters are doing, starting a family.
Other than leaving you family, I discovered that "freedom" goes away. I mean I wake up and think about me, I don't cook for anyone but me , I don't clean for anyone, and I don't try to please anyone but the one that created me. I guess you can call me spoiled child.
I visited my sister who recently got married. May Allah bless their home. Both god fearing people. He goes to work sets up a beautiful house for her. And she takes care of the house and cooks. You would think DAH, that is how it works. My sister is cleaning freak, even when she was at home she use to clean and cooks for us . But sometime she didn't cook or clean. They day's she didn't feel like lifting a finger was okay because there were other girls at home who would do that. But now it's all on her. You know I actually convinced my self that after marriage things go easy, its your home you do it when you feel like it. That's what you think. I actually hard.
Watching my sisters fall in love and get married and move out is making me paranoid to leave the life I have known and the people that meant everything to me behind and follow a "guy" I met yesterday. BUT That's how this family that I can't let go started. mother met father and left to live with him and start a family, and that is what my sisters are doing, starting a family.
Other than leaving you family, I discovered that "freedom" goes away. I mean I wake up and think about me, I don't cook for anyone but me , I don't clean for anyone, and I don't try to please anyone but the one that created me. I guess you can call me spoiled child.
I visited my sister who recently got married. May Allah bless their home. Both god fearing people. He goes to work sets up a beautiful house for her. And she takes care of the house and cooks. You would think DAH, that is how it works. My sister is cleaning freak, even when she was at home she use to clean and cooks for us . But sometime she didn't cook or clean. They day's she didn't feel like lifting a finger was okay because there were other girls at home who would do that. But now it's all on her. You know I actually convinced my self that after marriage things go easy, its your home you do it when you feel like it. That's what you think. I actually hard.
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