feel older then I am

Since I'm the youngest child of 6 , I always felt old compare to other kids. I started school when I was 9 years old. I felt like I was older then my classmates, even though some of them where older then I was. My mother brought me a doll when I was 6 or 7 . I use to play with them during the night under my blanket. I didn't want my family to see me, because I though I was old to play with dolls. I use to change the cartoon channel when someone walks in again I thought I was old for it. I was never out-side playing with the neighborhood kids. I use to watch them from the window and imagine my self playing with them. During lunch time, when my friends beg me to play with them "family game" I always player the mother character even though I use to love to play the daughter but I felt weird about it. Then they start calling me "GRANDMOTHER" I had an skeptical attitude about it .. but I was denying my age or questioning my age. Since I was told that I was born in the middle of the road, and my father and mother where opposing whether I was born on November or September? I doubted if they got the year right? I was always inside, spending time with my mother listening to the News. Approaching conversation with my siblings. And they always made my thought, a good one, thoughtful , exceptional. I mean I was young they could just ignore it and move on or worst tell me to shut up but that didn't happen.


That lifestyle is hunting me until today. I have friends that are older then me. I talk like an old lady there is no "fun" in my life.


I want to act silly once in a while. I want to wake up in the morning


sit down in my PJ' And watch family feud , Disney channel, cartoons, eat ice-cream just sit there, and fell sleep .. No worries about life No worries about the past nor the future. NO worries about school, about the family , money, or car, anything. JUST FOLLOW THE FLOW FREELY .. that is my fair-tale