Monday, February 21, 2011

reflect as if in a mirror

Ever felt like being selfish, self-centered , wrapped up in your own world. Just to protect your self from harm. There is no question if I am hurt at this point or not but, it just felt like it might go beyond the limit, because what your brain thinks and what your heart feels can sometime damage you. It pushes you to the thin line to actually run as far as possible. I might be selfish or childish, or put my self to sleep crying . But it's the only way that makes me feel safe. Hate to admit this but I never stand up for my self, I was always in shell protected by hard outer covering layers. Or perhaps I have not came a cross in time during my life at a point when I was so lost. Questioning my self Day And Night. Sadly the Sun rises and sets without an Answer. There comes a time in your life when you can not share your thoughts , when you can not explain your feelings , That little VOICE in the back of your head says " The best way is to keep it silent, hold it deep down". Tomorrow will be different day, You will forget it all , and look back ONE DAY and not regret. Because it made you Smile.

Maybe had became my enemy , maybe it's not the right time, maybe I am not the right one , maybe..maybe..maybe..I am not worthy !

Free from blame but deep in guilt .. free from blame , fact is I was unfamiliar I might uttered bit of "Tall Tale". Deep in guilt should have know better, and should have put into stop long time ago. But I have No power of fate.

Allah's predestines all . I have no control, I owe an apology to my self, for that dilemma. I pray everyday ,, Allah to  lead umatul islam  to the right path, indeed this is for the best.

I find my self in different mood as the days goes on.. months , and years, why shouldn't I move on. It's hard .. But it will stop the tears .. "Just kidding". only xalwo does that job: lol.. but really it will cure my damaged heart. .. If I had the chance to say one word One last time ....... " "Thank you" .........

Perhaps I will look back one day and smile and say  HEY!  " evol ni neeb evah I "


Lowest on the list

CNN bureau locationsImage via Wikipedia
I recently read an article about the dilemma which Somali civilians are facing, hunger crisis and pirate and everything in between  in CNN. Someone commented  they said. "Somalia doesn't offered anything to the world, nor are they helping themselves, lets use the land to evaluate and examine nuclear weapon and keep dumping the toxic as usually". It was pretty devastating, Highly destructive to my eyes. Nevertheless It made me  look upon overall the whole nation of Africa. They lack of something called "forward movement". Every leader puts himself first. What I still haven't came into understanding is it lack of open-mindedness or love of power. 

98% of African nation falls into the dictatorship government.Whether it's Totalitarian, Theocracy, Monarchy. Military dictatorship, Anarchy, Transitional. You name it, the list goes on. The upraising, protest that is taking place in the "Arab world" is an effect brought by "YOUTH". Not just any typical youth "AN Educated youth
 that bloomed from their  cages. Insha'allah they will all successes in their journey. 
I wonder if they asked themselves even once " What can I do to change our nation , To make it better place. Economically, Health care, Education and yeah The protection of our civilians.

It's quite apprehensible that social mobility is what attackers this young civilians. And their leaders are not enjoying the  adjustment that is about to happen. This people love power so much. More than anything . They make the parliament vote for them.OVER AND OVER AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. Wait what is erring  to divide the power into  equally  branches.  The missing pieces in the nation of Africa also happens to be"LAW". Perhaps it would be  beneficially to provide law that declares. "your term starts from this point and ends at this point. nor can you expand your term nor  can they rerun after that time is over". Literally,  Africa lacks  following rules and  regulations.  If someone doesn't step up the game and demand change and laws and rule, or perhaps write a break-up letter to the dictatorship government. Nothing will change and Africa will always be placed in the lowest on the list.

Enhanced by Zemanta

In My OWN little world

More than once  I was asked  why I aloof my self from females.   Why don't you have GIRL FRIENDS? It was an ordinary question that I get Now and Again. I simply use to joke around ,  Because "They don't like me" ironic depiction. And perhaps it doesn't go far than that . I was recently asked AGAIN. But this time it came from someone I didn't know much. And he got into deeper than others did. This guy had  the guts to tell me "You are devoted to yourself". 

 >He continues ,  You're basically committed  to  your own little world. Your friendly on  outside margin. but  
tremendous your inner is limited.

I didn't had  desire answering, nor to comment on what he said, which made me excessively irritated.
 I won't mind if that statement of opinion approached from someone who has   possess knowledge of me. 
If I could recall  my eyes glanced at  this young man  less than 2 or 3 times. Let alone knowing him. 

  > He carries it on, Don't miss understand me, but I had keeping you on eyes for the past months or so 
You seem pretty nice girl, and religious, But your also  egoistic.

What? ego Who ?
< You know what? Why don't you keep your certain assumptions to yourself next time. I said and walked away. 
He was lucky It was Almost time for my next class, which I had a test.
Over coming my anger over the "nerd" stranger. I took it into little consideration of what he said. 
I once had a "BEST FRIEND" someone came between us. All the sudden we were detached. We waved at each other, or greeted one another when perceived by sight   , But we were not friends anymore.  It damaged  special  place in my heart. I haven't had a "Friend" after her.  It  takes more to me to call someone a "friend". 
I have more girls in the house. I don't need more. 
After a week or so. The nerd came sat next to me again. And apologizes. And introduced himself. 
After we had a few conversation about school and life.  I suddenly seemed to view him differently.

>Why did you made that comment the other day?  I am just curious,  I asked.
>Well, Every time I see you, you're attached to your books.
< WOW! That is coming out from a nerd . 
   He smiled, true!

>You just seem to be ignoring everyone. Like you will not need any creature.   I view independence as an excellent matter. I also respect that you're self centeredness.

  < I can't believe you have the nerve to say that!  I didn't came here for necessitate of others.  Hopefully we'll will come into agreement that  when  you get females together , lots of truth are spoken not back-fence talk" can we say that is conceptualism in another planet.? 
He laught, You got a point there. Miss Religious, he said.

I persanally view  females as glorious, dignified creatures. I just can't stand rumour. she said he said. nonsence argument. Last but not least My biggest fear "Emotional crises" I have 4 sisters plus a mother . I thing I have enough  females in my life. pluse  I am the kind of person that doesn't not utter freely about what is in my heart. Females  tipically  tend to  share their feeling, and worries.  and ask you if you could related to it. I hate lying. I want to make them feel better at that moment. At the same time, If I say "yes" I could related to it. They expect  me to tell them how it made me feel.  I don't share with people my emotional rack.  That explained why I am stress. Well many say I am not suppose to be a girl more like a man. But I guess it's that I haven't had someone in my life that I could open up to. except  the piece of a letter I write once a year and tear it afterward, I don't even have the guts to read what I wrote. Now You can imagine how bad it is.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Islam spouse


The Couple are two separate individuals and when their love is consummated and when they get married they became one flash. As Allah said “ your wife are like a clothing to you as you are to them. The word “clothing” position as their is nothing between wife and husband, They are clothing to each other in every aspect of life. It also implies adornment and beautification.
AS it deliver a blow to a common question that non-Muslim  ask: Why do does Muslim women cover their body? . To answer that there are load of reason generally however, I want to mention one of those.

A scholar was asked what’s the most thing you love about your wife? He said her beauty and they asked what is the second thing you like about your wife he said her beauty then they asked the 3rd time he said her beauty they asked the 4th time he said her respect for her religion and family and the 5th time he said her respect for me.
As a Muslim women we cover our self because 1st we been told by god not men. 2nd we respect our self and when other look at us they see that we respect our self and we gain respect.
When you are married and you wear a clothing that are too revealing your actually getting other men attention ever action have a consciousness , which leads it to an affair road
When you keep your beauty inside and you revealed to you flash (spouse) truth you will last together surly (insha’allah
Tips to be successful wife/husband
When he/she comes home greet them with a wonderful greeting. Even if You have a bad day and the last think you want to do is talk just give them a kiss, you will surprise to how it can change their feeling for the day.
2nd Imitate them be fully active, play games tells them jokes, chase them around the house. with intention of them not being bored, or even think about to leave the house. Build a feeling that they want to be around you 24/7, miss you when they are not around you

3rd show a gratitude, Thank them for even the tiny nice think they do for you, make them feel grateful

4th ignore argument , it’s a fire to you house. Don’t be contentious, seal it with simply I’m am sorry, even it its not your fault, if you try to balance your world your building a firewood, watch how sweet the argument will end if you say “listen I’m sorry lets be friends again”. Afterward try to talk to them in sweet way to solve the problem. If you disagreement continues just say “ I will be the older child”. Immediately their feels will change, and you will succeed
5th Listen and obey each other, you get what you give, don’t expect to get it before you give it.
6th pray for each other that Allah make your marriage successful,

Never forget to ask Allah ta'ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah ta'ala - into Jannah

Saturday, February 12, 2011


Why valentine's day, Why can't it be called "LOVE DAY" History says Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. upon his dead he devoted his love, wrote a farewell letter to his Love , and signed it "From Your Valentine. Of course others also state different  points. Despite the disagreement but we can all came into agreement that it's love day.

   But, what I still haven't discovered  the answer to is Why show your love only ONE DAY" I don't know about you but I don't want to be with someone that tells me that they love me  or shows the love  they have for me  Once in a year. I believe you should celebrate your love for EACH OTHER as the sun rises and sets.
It's quiet selfishness to wait on a day  when Some other stranger expressed his love  to his lover. Or you might as well make your own day.. MINE IS September 6th ..MAKE your OWN  "LOVE DAY"  Why not . Who cares if other are celebrating or not.. It's good to be unique
Enhanced by Zemanta