Ever felt like being selfish, self-centered , wrapped up in your own world. Just to protect your self from harm. There is no question if I am hurt at this point or not but, it just felt like it might go beyond the limit, because what your brain thinks and what your heart feels can sometime damage you. It pushes you to the thin line to actually run as far as possible. I might be selfish or childish, or put my self to sleep crying . But it's the only way that makes me feel safe. Hate to admit this but I never stand up for my self, I was always in shell protected by hard outer covering layers. Or perhaps I have not came a cross in time during my life at a point when I was so lost. Questioning my self Day And Night. Sadly the Sun rises and sets without an Answer. There comes a time in your life when you can not share your thoughts , when you can not explain your feelings , That little VOICE in the back of your head says " The best way is to keep it silent, hold it deep down". Tomorrow will be different day, You will forget it all , and look back ONE DAY and not regret. Because it made you Smile.
Maybe had became my enemy , maybe it's not the right time, maybe I am not the right one , maybe..maybe..maybe..I am not worthy !
Free from blame but deep in guilt .. free from blame , fact is I was unfamiliar I might uttered bit of "Tall Tale". Deep in guilt should have know better, and should have put into stop long time ago. But I have No power of fate.
Allah's predestines all . I have no control, I owe an apology to my self, for that dilemma. I pray everyday ,, Allah to lead umatul islam to the right path, indeed this is for the best.
I find my self in different mood as the days goes on.. months , and years, why shouldn't I move on. It's hard .. But it will stop the tears .. "Just kidding". only xalwo does that job: lol.. but really it will cure my damaged heart. .. If I had the chance to say one word One last time ....... " "Thank you" .........
Perhaps I will look back one day and smile and say HEY! " evol ni neeb evah I "