Feeling Older...

Happy-late birthday to me .. lHmm.. I am not a B-day person. But, what I have realized this year is that I am getting old..  :( ...  alhamdulilaah.. Usually it was yeeey I am turning 15 or 16 or 5 or 7 or 17 or 18 and so on.. Now, it's like wow, I am not going to tell you my age lol.. Hmmm I haven't seen gray hair yet though lol.. Alhamdulilaah it was a great year, May Allah swt allow me to reach the next September 20th ..Amiin

Alhamdulilaah...Alhamdulilaah ....

I complained about living in non-Islamic country, almost all my life. But when we moved to U.S.A It just got worst; not being able to hear atham (call of prayer) this task was tough. Every- time I take a look at the clock to see if it's time. It just kills me. You see if you live in Islamic country, you won’t worry about dis remembering or praying late. You'll be reminded to pray. You just tackled one step out of the way. But, if you don't live in Islamic country your job is typically doubled. You have to keep track of the clock to see if it’s Salah time. But still, look at the pride side; you have Muslim people around you .Perhaps if you forget to pray and you see someone praying...tiNg tiNg. Now they reminded
you to pray. Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah. I have no problems remembering to pray.


Now image living with non-Muslims. The Fact that you’re the only Muslim in the area. A year ago I decided to obtain a bachelor’s degree. I applied to university which  happened to be far from where I live. I expected a rejection letter. But it didn’t happen. Then, I thought my parents won’t let their youngest daughter leave home. AGAIN I WAS WRONG. I prayed every day; I asked Allah swt to stop me from this, in any way possible, if this decision would harm me or my religion . Almost everyone  I informed, that  I'll be living in campus  99%  of  them questioned my religion and dignity. “Nasra, are you out of your mind, are you not Muslim?” …”Listen to yourself”..” ..”This is Un  Islamic,, Islam forbids girls to leave home”… “You’ll be misled easily...”... “Why is that you need to go far from home, can’t you get education at the local universities?”… There is a reason for everything. If this experience tough me anything, It tough me to appreciate being a Muslim . If this experience made me anything. It made a better Muslim. I realized how lucky we’re. I did question how easily my parents accepted this decision. Being the ONLY Muslim, in this small town, filled with red-necks and infidels. Perhaps they knew something I didn’t know. . They know what kind of daughter they raised. 


Ps.. Don't spend a day with out saying Alhamdulilaah.. We are truly blessed.

Was it eid?

yes, its hard to tell if its eid or not when you are in a dorm and surround with non muslims.. Even thought I didnt had the opportunity to pray and celebrate eid .with the family and friends. It did feel like eid when I prayed by my self and yeah ate hawlo lol.....worst on the list ..but allahdulilaah ..may our fast and salah &l; duas be among the once that were accepted amiin ya Allah

A Forgotten Obligation.

When Ramadan comes I am so eager to spend time in Masjid.  However, when I get in the Masjid, all the sudden this feeling changes. What disturbs me ? You may ask .  An outrages actions  in the house of Allah. And what makes me MORE upset is when others  don't correct  "the mistake" of  their  brother/sister  yet, they talk behind them.   Talking while the khutbah is in process. .. And the other day,  A sister  brought her son's  teddy bear. She placed the teddy bear in front of her and started to pray. A lady who happened to  be praying next to her, was very upset about this action. She angrily uttered in her mother tongue and  simply, moved to the other row.  She didn't tell her that is was wrong. Whether the sister knew or not. Another sister brought her son who , ( when I guessed was about 9 or 10 years old) in the ladies room to pray. Subhana'allah.  Many people changed their rows. And didn't say a word about it. Muslims has certainly forgotten their obligations. Another girl was taking wudu,  and did a mistake ( perhaps she was a  new Muslim or Not).  However, No one said anything. They looked at her and simply walked away. They sell clothes in the Masjid .. and argue that is not a problem at all. Because it's downstairs.

Mostly, I am confused whether they do  this on purpose or they don't  have the knowledge that , this is our job to correct each other and show each other the right path. We are the only ummah that are send without a prophet to guide us on every way , but the Quran was send to us,  so that we could act upon it and learn from it.  Unfortunately, this is heart breaking. 

My favorite time of the year.

Yes” Ramadan is here, after 8 days. Insha’allah, eat as much as you can..But it’s not all about food, there is reason behind it.Ask Allah to enable you to reach Ramadan and to get the most out of it as the Salaf used to do.


The month of Ramadan is a month in which the Mercy and Blessings of Allah Ta'ala descend upon us continuously.


The whole Qur'aan was sent down to the first sky from Lawhe Mahfooz.
There is the night of Qadr, which is better than 1000 months.
The thawaab of good deed is equal to the fardh of another month. The daily bread of Muslims is increased.
The first ten days of Ramadan are MERCY


During the first ten days of Ramadan mercy is sought by Muslims who are participating in Ramadan, or those who are fasting. The Mercy that is sought during the month of Ramadan by Muslims can be divided into four important areas of erudition:


The second ten days of Ramadan are forgiveness.

The middle Ashra of Ramadan is the time for Maghfirah; the time to wash off our sins. Ramadan is the month to seek Forgiveness and repentance. Having witnessed the Mercy of Allah (SWT) by thanking Him for all that He has granted us, by being good to everyone and keeping ourselves at peace.
The last ten days are being freed from hell
Lailatul Qadr means the night of honour and dignity. It is this night in which the first Divine Revelation came to the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wasallam, when he was in prayer in the cave of Hira. Since this night enjoys the honour of having the first revelation brought to the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wasallam, it has been named Lailatul Qadr.


This is one of the holiest and most blessed nights, which is likely to occur on one of the odd nights on the last ten days of Ramadhan and most likely to be the 27th. The reward of worship on this night is better than the worship of a thousand months of worship, equivalent to a person's lifetime. So, on this night one should pray nafil namaz, recite the Quran, do Tasbih, Zikr, Duas, etc as much as possible.
Aishah (RA): “Allah’s Messenger used to practice I`itikaf in the last ten nights and say: ‘Seek out Lailatul-Qadr in the (odd nights) of the last ten of Ramadan.” [Bukhari and Muslim]


What are you waiting for? Make moves..Meep Meep.

Do we really care?

Do we really care?

by Nasra Abdulkadir on Saturday, July 23, 2011 at 10:59pm

When you gaze toward an infant who's hand in placed in his forehead, on account of famish and thirst.
Are you sadden by it or does it depressed you ?
When you see an image of a child who's stomach is heavyweight over his tiny body.
Do you weep or find your self in lament moment?


When you see a nursing mother who's is in a poor quality and, her toddler in weeping on top of her.
Do you wish to help?


When a mother of six, reaches she destination she is left with only two out of six.
Do you find tears rolling down you chins?


Did you answer YES to any of this questions?


Yet you and I dispose an eatable food Every Single Day.
Yet we decide what food to eat, and mention how we DISLIKE this food and that one.
Yet we are annoyed and bothered by a headache and simple pain.
Yet we spend hundreds of dollars on our cellular Ever Single Month. And unworthy stuff.


Do we really care for them? Or it's A matter of time, that we feel sorry for them?

Fasting on the 15th of Sha’ban

Mid-Sha'ban "..... The 15th day known as Laylatul baraat . Mid-Sha'ban is observe  as a night of worship and salvation. It was  narrated  that Allah swt determines the destiny of all people, including whether a person lives or dies, in the coming year and for this reason it is sometimes called the "Night of Emancipation.. Even thought the other half of the scholars say, it's actually done the night of laylatul qadar, which kind of makes sense. in the night of baraat, (last 15th of sha'ban ) what was written for ever single one of us will be executed. (ALLAH KNOWS THE BEST)

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Fast of the 15th Sha'ban On the day immediately following the Night of Bara'ah, i.e. the 15th of Sha'ban, it is mustahabb (advisable) to keep fast. Prophet Muhammad (s), is reported to have recommended this fast emphatically. A large number of the predecessors (salaf) of the Ummah have been observing the fast of the 15th of Sha'ban.

Therefore, it is advisable to fast the 15th of Sha'ban as an optional (nafl) fast. One can also keep a fast of qada on this day and it is hoped that he can also benefit from the merits of this fast.

Abu Huraira (may Allah be well pleased with him) reported the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying: Gabriel (peace be upon him) came to me on the night of mid-Sha'ban and said to me: "O Muhammad, raise your head heavenwards!" I asked him: "What night is this?" and he replied: " This is the night when Allah (Glorified is He) opens three hundred of the gates of mercy, forgiving all who do not make anything His partner . The only exceptions are those who practice sorcery or divination, are addicted to wine, or persist in usury and illicit sex; these He does not forgive until they repent."

At a quarter of the night, Gabriel (peace be upon him) came down and said: "0 Muhammad, raise your head!" So I looked up, to behold the gates of Paradise wide open. At the first gate an angel was calling: "Good news for those who bow in worship this night!" At the second gate an angel was calling: "Good news for those who prostrate themselves in worship this night!" At the third gate an angel was calling: "Good news for those who offer supplication this night!" At the fourth gate an angel was calling: "Good news for those who make remembrance this night!" At the fifth gate an angel was calling: "Good news for those who weep this night from fear of Allah!" At the sixth gate an angel was calling: "Good news for those who submit this night!" At the seventh gate an angel was calling: "Will anyone ask, that his request may be granted?" At the eighth gate an angel was calling: "Will anyone seek forgiveness, that he may be forgiven?"

I said: " O Gabriel, how long will these gates remain open?" He replied: "From the beginning of the night until the break of dawn." Then he said: "0 Muhammad, tonight Allah has as many slaves emancipated from the Fire as the number of woolly hairs on the flocks and herds ofKalb."

2. The blessed companion Usama ibn Zaid, Radi-Allahu anhu, reports that he asked Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam: "Messenger of Allah, I have seen you fasting in the month of Sha'ban so frequently that I have never seen you fasting in any other month." Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, replied: "That (Sha'ban) is a month between Rajab and Ramadan which is neglected by many people. And it is a month in which an account of the deeds (of human beings) is presented before the Lord of the universe, so, I wish that my deeds be presented at a time when I am in a state of fasting." 

Ummul-Mu'mineen 'Aishah, Radi-Allahu anha, is reported to have said, "Once Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, performed the Salah of the night (Tahajjud) and made a very long Sajdah until I feared that he had passed away. When I saw this, I rose (from my bed) and moved his thumb (to ascertain whether he is alive). The thumb moved, and I returned (to my place). Then I heard him saying in Sajdah: 'I seek refuge of Your forgiveness from Your punishment, and I seek refuge of Your pleasure from Your annoyance, and I seek Your refuge from Yourself. I cannot praise You as fully as You deserve. You are exactly as You have defined Yourself.' Thereafter, when he raised his head from Sajdah and finished his salah, he said to me: 'Aishah, did you think that the Prophet has betrayed you?' I said, 'No, O Prophet of Allah, but I was afraid that your soul has been taken away because your Sajdah was very long.' He asked me, 'Do you know which night is this?' I said, 'Allah and His Messenger know best.' He said, 'This is the night of the half of Sha'ban. Allah Almighty looks upon His slaves in this night and forgives those who seek forgiveness and bestows His mercy upon those who pray for mercy but keeps those who have malice (against a Muslim) as they were before, (and does not forgive them unless they relieve themselves from malice).

PDA and Muslims

Subahan'allah, I don't want to point finger nor mention names in here, but recently, I have ran into Muslims PDA (public display of affection) Now,  I  grew  up in a society that was  50% Christians, 50% Muslims. Now this people I speak about HAVE the same culture. Let alone Muslims even the infidels didn't go far with this DPA . Holding hands, hugging or kissing in public are considered to be unobjectionable forms of public displays of affection; however, what is considered objectionable depends on the place and the people.  Even if it's your God given right (your wife/husband) there should be a limit to your affection in public.  There is a saying, "Act like your neighbors or let them act like you".It's fitna-filled atmospheres. Seems like we're getting lost in the crowd. 

I' will be honest am not sheikh, or strict  holding hands (spouse) I don't mind. But the issue is spontaneous gesture of love, that is just over the boundary .Spontaneous gestures of love need to be private, regardless of statues, married or not..  First time I experienced this it was in Airport,  Allah ya alam how many days and years he was gone. Still that is not an excuse. Handle it else where.  If this is bothering us, humans, Imagine how displeasing it is to Allah swt.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un

Allatheena ithâ asabat-hum museebatun qaloo inna lillahi wa innâ ilay-hi raji'oon"

O Allaah, she is under Your care and protection so protect her from the trial of the grave and torment of the Fire. Indeed You are faithful and truthful. Forgive and have mercy upon her, surely You are The Oft-Forgiving, The Most-Merciful’.  

Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. kullu nafsin da iqatul maut, our grave is waiting for us. But, I wish I had the chance to meet my grandmother. Last Time I spoke with her, she said insha'allah we shall meet. I haven't met both of my grandfathers,(May Allah swt bestow his mercy on them) And all 3 of my grandmothers are gone. I truly wanted to meet one of them. Subahallan, I was planning  to meet her this summer, but I was stopped. It's all in Allah hand . I couldn't face the fact and the condition she was in. I rather not see her. Than meet my grandmother in such a condition. It was locked in my mind that one day she would get better. Then I would meet her in a perfect condition. We make our own schedule. Like tomorrow would come and go.And Allah swt had a different plan. It's meant to be. May Allah swt bestow his mercy on her. Amin....

Missed You

People change over time. The greatest problem is trying to find out why they’ve changed without blaming yourself. The person that you cared about, the person you cherished . The one you use to  finished their sentence for.The once who pulled you out from the darkness. The one you loved for the sake of Allah swt. The one that pulled you towards your religion. The friend, the brother, the sister, the  great mentor. The one that used to lend you a shoulder to cry on. The one that could read your eyes. The one that knew what you liked and disliked. The one you fought with one minute and made up the other. 

You might wonder, what happened between us? How did we get to this point. You never took a walk without me. And Now, we walk on a different roads. Even thought we are going the same place. We use to laugh together. Now you laugh without me. We use to play hide and seek. Now you hide from me. And I don't seek for you. What happened between us. 

 You blame time. I blame us. You blame Age, I blame us. You blame the distance. I blame us. Yes it had been 10 years, Yes we had grown into two different people. But, what I can't deny is the pain that I see in your eyes. What I can't deny is the sorrow behind your laughter. What I can't condone is the silence. I famish for you friendship, I strive for our partnership. You hesitated to say my name. I refused to utter about you. What had gone wrong between us?

The worst places in the world to be a woman

CBSNews reported  "The worst places in the world to be a woman". Here are the top Five countries.






1 .Afghanistan was cited for its overall level of violence, there are a host of other factors that caused TrustLaw to put it atop the list. One in 11 women there have a chance of dying in childbirth; Some 87 percent of women are illiterate; and as many as 80 percent of girls face forced marriages.











2.Congo was put atop the list because of the staggering level of sexual violence in the country - a product of many years of war and humanitarian disasters. As many as 400,000 women are raped there annually.










3. As many as 1,000 women are killed annually in Pakistan in so-called "honor killings." Additionally, families defending their "honor" there are also known to attack women with acid to disfigure them, stone them to death, or simply beat them. The widespread practice of arranged and forced marriages also present a hurdle to personal freedom for women there.






4. India, while a rapidly developing country, still places great cultural burdens on women. In addition to incredibly high rates of human trafficking and prostitution involving women, especially girls, foeticide (the killing of fetuses) and infanticide with females is incredibly high there. As many as 50 million females are reported to have gone missing because of the practice in the last century.










5. Finally, Somalia, another generally very dangerous place, rounded out the top five. Somali women's minister Maryan Qasim told TrustLaw: "The most dangerous thing a woman in Somalia can do is to become pregnant. When a woman becomes pregnant her life is 50-50 because there is no antenatal care at all. There are no hospitals, no healthcare, no nothing. Add to that the rape cases that happen on a daily basis, the female genital mutilation that is being done to every single girl in Somalia. Add to that the famine and the drought. Add to that the fighting (which means) you can die any minute, any day."














Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503543_162-20071178-503543.html#ixzz1PlPWz6l5

Farwell Farmajo

Nin tiisa dar yeelo ayaa tukale ku daro, somaliyeey maxaa dooneysaan. Ruuxi hori idiin wado hadaad diidaan, qabiil isku qeeybisaan. Habaarkii ceeydiid ayaa wali idiin heesto.  koleey wax soo mawadaan eeh. wadanka ethiopian iyo kenya haloo kala qeeybiyo... It's  for the best.

Family In Facebook

I have had this  conversion many times. And I mean many time. Why would you use social network(Facebook, Myspace, Twitter... after you get married . Many argue, those social networks are for single people. To chat, and mess-around what ever what ever. Someone will add you, you will accept them. You know after that, because that person doesn't know that you are married, and by the time they found this out they might have already grew fond of you.  A lot of people say I would/will deactivated my account after I get married. Specially, this comes from Somali people. And there is a reason I mentioned this. Because, "OTHERS"" Only add and accept people they know. The matter of fact is, My Facebook, is my facbook. I will respect your privacy and I expect the same from him. I don't really see how people who have family have time to use social network. And mostly it's men who use it. If the women gets married, they got their hands full. 


A while ago I have came a cross, a Facebook profile. The wife had her husband labeled in her family tree, same as him plus, their three kids. It's such a beautiful thing. Do  you think someone will get confused on him or her to be single. I don't think so. But the problem comes when they don't label each other as family members. Or even don't bother to put "married in their relationship status. . My relationship statues say "married" just to keep the dog away, but if you really want to use social networks. And have fun , you can add your friends and family people who know you, why accept a total stranger. Evil comes when you look for it

Check it out

I've neglected this blog, for a lot of reasons, final exams, graduation. And of course my other blog :) Yes,I am cheating on you darling lol ... 

Any ways, I am writing  so called story, It's not a fiction, It's not a true story, it's mixture half of it is true, or maybe not. CHECK IT OUT , who know I might share the money with you when I became popular :).. Let me know what you guys think of it .. Check it , CHECK IT OUT.... -------->            

www.conspiracyofsomaligirl.blogspot.com/  

Ps... follow me 

Graduation Time

All I can say is Alhamdulilaah Rabil Alamiin. It took forever, but I made it. Insha'allaah it will be  a day to remember. I have come from a long distance. I started from 7th grade, I struggled all the way-down. with double-block ESL classes, to honor class After a year With the help of Allah swt It made it possible for me to score better than the white kid next to me. I hope to continue insha'allah. You' will read my University Graduation post, Stay in touch. And pray for me.

My first crush

Yes, I still hate school, even thought I'm honor student :) . Take my words for it.  My first crush, I met him when hmm I was about 9 or 10 . But he was older then me, I guess I pick this habit of being attacked to older guys back then. Any who, I started public school at that age, and I was not comfortable  with the environment, learning with older kids, the profanity, the fighting and all of that nature. So I start  pretending I was sick. I used all the techniques I could to stay home from school. Then my mother realized I was faking. So I took the next step I start skipping.  Matter of fact my mother was a daughter of a Federal Bureau of Investigation. She founded out that I was no longer going to school. I start being miserable. On lunch time, I use to stay still. When the kids go to play and have lunch.  And there he was, to cheer me up. Honestly If it wasn't for him. I would have quieted that school. He would bring me  lunch, And xalwo. We use to  play together, spend weekends together. To him I was just like a little sister. (That what I though, till 2010) I couldn't ask for a better friend. Then I start having more (girl) friends and we kind of grew apart as play -mates.

One morning before the school started, He come running to me. I want you to meet someone he said, in a very exciting voice. I really didn't have the intention of meeting who ever it was, the game was too exciting from me.   But he come back to me after 5 min or so. And took my hand and start dragging me to our class. We stopped at the door, he put his hand on my shoulder, looked straight into my eyes, and said, you will have new student and I want you to be nice to her. (And I was waiting for something else lol). There she was siting in my spot. I am Germ-phobic. I use to clean my area. I could hold it but scream she is sitting on my spot, but I said it in Amharic, I doubt if she could understand it since she was dress like a typically Somali. He pinched me in the back. He looked at me with ill eyes and said, this is ____. She was his relative, who recently moved to the city. And yeah he liked her.  For his sake. I spend the rest of the day with her. I gave her a tour, introduced her to the class. We gave her free lunch. I made her feel comfortable. Since I promised him to keep her company. Yes, I was jealous, and afraid she might take my spot.   Till I find out she was not into him at all, and I mean AT ALL. She called him every word that is possible to insult a person with. Part of me wanted to put her face in the spaghetti, and part of me was excited to find this out. Unfortunately, me and her   became best friends. And they can't stand each other currently. They both live in UK maybe they missed me who knows.   In 2010 He called me surprisingly , and confessed a lot of things. I feel guilty I still denied.

Obama got Osama

There are varieties of reason why I don’t buy this bogus. For more than 10 years, this powerful country was looking for this guy. Sky-scraping economy, they hold the greatest technology a man can create... The “dream” land. These men are playing them like 5 year old children, even though this government has all access to all numerous things you can’t imagine. Now if you are the leader of this great country. And you are in debt over 14 trillion. However, you are spending millions and millions to find a“guy”. You have been doing this duty for 10 years it’s a shame to say you quit. It’s sad to give up hope. It’s wide of the mark to give up on your civilians without getting a revenge for them.
So, what would you do to spend no more time, to save the money to pay off your debt, make your people feel safe, and informed them that revenge is done...? “Tell them the man is dead”.
I personally didn’t believe this guy is a life. I still don’t. He was dead years ago. And “they didn’t know about this”.

Are you insane, do you know how many people did face-transplant to resemble this guys just to cover up for him? They have created all sort of mask. However “America” is late to find this out-so they are catching up. Now if this is the real case and we take their words for it, without them showing us a video, or picture. A question I don’t seem to answer is “why is his “family” not talking about it”. Don’t you think they would send a “video” like they usually do, and threaten them for a revenge of their leader? I don’t know about you, but if this is true and they still haven't  said a thing about it. I’m scared. They seem to be busy. My concern is what are they doing?
The White House had been weighing the release of photos, because they had cautioned that the photo was gruesome and could be inflammatory. I was asked by my Government teacher, what I think about them not releasing the “pictures or a video”.

Technology is a grown man nowadays. We are able to take a normal image and photo-shop it, make it the way you want it to be, make it look like you are in Hawaii, while you are in the poor’s place in earth. Give it a black eye, change the gender, and pour blood all over the face. You name it. Okay, I understand the photos might arouse angry or violent feelings, how about a video about when you were placing him in the ocean to let the sharks have a dinner. Is that still inflammatory?

I spoke with a friend, and she pointed out, the fact that American would do anything to get this man in a perfect healthy, safe and sound. It‘s absolutely true. The army said he was not carrying any weapon. Do you think they would just kill the nucleus of a terrorist? This whole movie doesn’t seem to be winning Oscar any time sooner. And who ever directed  it needs to attend acting classes immediately.

Senior Year Depression

Have you ever worked hard for something, and when it's finally there at the finish line you just feel like quitting. I have been in school for 9 years. I haven't done anything but my best. School come first and the rest would flow. I felt like I made a commitment, for sickness and for healthy till Depression or Diploma takes us a part. First semester was all about getting to college. And taking the SAT/ACT the THE /  Accuplacer. It was hectic. Then second semester began. There is nothing to do. You will find your self wondering in the middle of the afternoon. This kind of action is unusual. You will find yourself blogging in at 1:00 in the morning. This kind of action is not like you. I don't want to talk to people I use to love to talk to.I use to use my time wisely. Wake up at 6:00  Pray, make breakfast. Hit the road at 7:00 am I now find myself at the office getting tardy pass. I use to go to the library at lunch time, check out books. read the news. check my mails. Come home at 2:00. Eat, and go to the Elementary school for the  Honor Society tutoring program. Come back at 4:00 take a nap. Wake up at 6:00 pray, do homework, Then my spare time would began, go to Facebook, blog. Msn. TXT, Talk on the phone. I had something to look forward to. It's not new thing. But it was an obligation. I now feel like I'm fired from my long job. So I am seeking out for a real job that I can see the out-come. I want to be challenged again. I use to depict the image of my day. I want to get curious  and do research on weird stuff. I am tired of thinking  about my future. I am tired of staring at the wall and not wanting to do anything. I am tired of sleeping late and blogging late. I want the old me back.  I always wonder how dumb people are when I hear , they drop out of their last semester of high school. My reaction was always WHAT? All this years for one semester. Walking up when it's raining and other are in deep sleep. Waking in the sun when it's 105 degrees Celsius.   Staying up at night finishing the project or writing the essay. Studying for a test. All of the hard work for ONE LAST SEMESTER? IS WORTHY IT.  Don't judge the man, if you haven't been in his shoes. It feels like it's worthy it. But some of us are strong so we blog about it or write in our diary  or utter about  how we can not take it any more.That we had enough and want to take the next action. And others are weak so they take the action and burn their life in front of one semester.

But I am STRONG!!!! I BLOG about it, I don't BURN IT !!!

Author

I'm thinking about writing a book. I always have, since I was a little girl even thought I was not able to  write one sentence correctly. But this time I being more serious. The question is, will I have enough time?  Now that I will start going to university and having a job.I'm not sure if time would allow me do so. I am still in process of managing my time wisely. 

I will share it in here. A sneak peek. So that you could taste it. And if you happen to fell in love with it. I hate to tell you this but you're going to buy  it from Amazon.com :). Aim High! That's what they say.

I'll not get married.

Image by Life Lenses via Flickr

 When men say, "I'll not get married. What does it mean to you. They are scared of commitment, or they just feel like they are not ready. Or maybe it's their way of saying , "I surely don't want to get married to you. It's among those three reasons. And more than likely, simply, they are not in to you. Same as, when they say, "One day you will make a great wife." Translation, You'll be a great wife to someone else. I can't take credit on that. Because when I say " You will make a great husband one day.

I mean it, so as other women. But if they really thinks that you are a great match. They won't say it out-loud. They don't  want you to shout it out, or spell it for others. (Or maybe not) However when they use that phrase They are just tying to boost your system. You're worthy, don't disgrace your self. (JUST NOT FOR ME,okay)

When they find someone that intrigues them and they can see themselves falling in love with them for the rest of there life, they're not going to delay, of course everything is in Gods hand. They have No power over that. Just like you won't delay to do what you waited for so long.

 Nor am I an expert in this area, neither do I desire to be. But I would love to be sociologist. Since I investigate social behavior. It became my new habit. 

                                       Quick Tips.

Unlike women. to protect their manhood, men don't show their full and complete love. (If you feel like he is not showing all, don't think he is not into you.)

If a man jokes about loving you. That is deal breaker don't waste anymore of your time. (He really is not in to you)

Unlike men, If a lady throws funny punchlines ( She really means it)

If you need to know more, or your confused about your relationship Contact me. I will spell it out for-you.:)

I deeply Love My Twin

I don’t usually share this seclude with people I don’t know, but I will share this with you today.

I have a twin .  Why is that a secret? You might doubt. No I’m not a humiliated about my twin. Matter fact I’m proud of my twin. And Deeply in Love my Twin. I’m not addicted to my twin, I’m passionate about my twin.  My twin allows me to forget the past for quite some time.  My twin permits me to live in the golden world. My twin don’t tolerate when other utter negatively about me. My twin forbids me to work hard. My twin hinders my golden time. My twin holds on to the tip of my dress and get in my way. From time to time, I’m not strong enough to shove My twin out of my way. I fear to hurt my twin. Her name is “Sleep”. Yes, you read it right, sleep is her name. how much  I adore her I cannot emphasize.

You might be thinking, I must sleep a lot. WRONG! Usually, in life, when you have it, you don’t appreciate as much as when you lose it. For the longest time  I have slept for straight hours were 15 hours.

World record for sleeping the longest is 14 days and a half a day, set by Randy Gardiner in 1965. It’s fanatical isn’t it? It's extremely hard to believe. However I doubt if he was over dosed. Or he was taking drug. I was thinking about breaking the record this summer. But it’s just way too much. World Record for going the longest without sleeping, however, was 264 hours (11 days) set by 18 year old.  But If I were to choose between the two sleeping records. I would choose to sleep for 14 days, without a doubt.  Go figure. But for now, I was challenged by a friend. His recovered is 24 hours. I will make sure that happens in the summer. I will also make sure I get away from home. I can’t risk being awakened, when I’m half way done. :)

Why do so many African Americans convert to Islam, while in prison

   I want to touch on a  topic I have been ignoring quite sometime now.    I was asked once by student,  while I was  unfamiliar with the situation. Why do so many African Americans convert to Islam, while in prison. Shocking point.

Until I went to Optometrist (eye doctor) I have not come across this. During the waiting session, the electricity went out. And mostly people start to go one by one. Mother and I were waiting for a ride. For that reason we were the last once to leave. Any who, while we were waiting. this man came to us.

Asalamu Aleykum, he said.

Okay, I am not trying to be racist but my entire life, I have only seen one African American who happened to be a Muslim. This was not  shocking to me, I just didn't expect the eye doctor to be a Muslim It didn't had anything to do with his skin color.

Usually when someone came up to me and says "Asalamu Aleykum", especially, White and African Americans.  I always doubt whether they have pick up the phrase or are they're  really a Muslim.  As strange as it may sound, I didn't hasted  to replay to this man. From his attire and way his face shine you could  just tell that this guy was a Muslim.

On the other hand my sister couldn't keep it, so she asked. 

Are you a convert?

The amazing part was his answer.

No, Everyone is born as a Muslim.He reply

Takbiir!!!!! there he began to tell us his journey.

I have seen so many people who call them selves "Revert Muslim",  "Islam Convert" and similar to it. It always made me ponder. Why point to a door you closed. Why would you want to read at a letter you teared.

 He refused to be called a convert. Because he never was,  indeed he was on the right path. Masha'allah.

.Last week our English teacher brought it up, she looked at me and say is the true. I didn't want to say this, as she her self was African American. Few point had been laid out.

                                       Why in prison and not before?

During the slavery era, the history and background of African American had been destroyed. Therefore when they get to prison they lay the foundation. They get exposed to the literature work.

The second reason  that is mainly talked about is , prison is a very racist place. Mostly they walk out of there disliking white and vice verse.  They end up considering Christianity a white religion. And want  belong to a group.Or they get  to exposed to the reality. Indeed,Allah guides who he wants.

Why I start blogging?

                                                       4/10/10 Anniversary

Are you broke? 

No?

Okay,  I'm :)

One of the reasons  I started blogging (I was broke) did I say WAS I mean (I'm broke!). Sadly I came into a last page with my diary, and  I didn't had the money to buy a new one. Students are always broke. Don't be surprised. I know what you are thinking: Blog can not be your diary. Well it was private to began with.  And, Yes you are absolutely right blog CAN NOT be your diary.  After a while, However, I broke my blogging virginity,  and changed it to public after I   deleted my dirty dishes of course.  Started to shine. It was and still is a  way to improve my (Poor writing quality). I suddenly  fall into the hands of blogging.  


 When I go to bed, I would find myself  staring at the roof and a topic would pop into my mind  ,  PING!! I will blog about that. As you can see, for a year I only have 72 posts. And I go to bed every day twice, Yes , twice. I love sleeping. So your guessing it right, I have not wrote all of my topic that I have in mind, indeed. Sadly my time wouldn't allow me to do so. School, Tutoring, Mentoring, Homework, Chores, "Me Time". The list goes on. But I love you enough not to make you  put your fingers in your hair and pull it to your lap. 

BUMMERRR rules.!

                                                       BUMMERRR Rules.!

RULE #1. For those of you who are sheikh, a little advice ; Please don’t go to her parents if she even don’t know your name! Yes, that is the method , But I am sorry. You are not getting married to her father and mother. If you decide to jump over her. BUMERR!!! it’s your loss. If you want to do it the old way, atleast  let her know you or show her you face, Asalamu Aleykum won’t hurt!!! . Some time you see people now and again but they don’t see you!! Or pay attention to you. SOME OF US WEAR GLASSES YOU KNOW !!


RULE # 2 .BFF ..BUMMER!!!  I don’t know how much I can emphasize this , DON’T NOT UNDER  ANY CIRCUMSTANCE  TRY TO BE BFF WITH THE FATHER OR THE BROTHER. In order to get to her




RULE #3 . Real talk! Okay you guys know each other for while now. You’re getting there. You’re ready for the next step. Out of the blue . He goes to her parents. She comes home minding her own business, parents expose to her what had took place today. WAIT, Shouldn’t I be the one to know this first. BOMMER!!! She calls him, hey why didn’t you tell me.




I thought we were cool with this? What is wrong with you. BOMMMMMER !!! DON’T EVER DO THAT. Even If you are 100% sure , always KEEP HER IN TOUCH. Before you go to her parents.


RULE # 4. When the agreement takes place. Some people tend to be present for all of 3 meals. BUMMMER !!! STAY AWAY FROM HER HOUSE!!!. Yes you must greet the family now and again. But don’t go to her house 24/7.




Rule # 5. Showering her with GIFT to get close to her BUMMER!!. Exception are on especial accusations. Once in a while.!!!


Rule #6. Phone calls  24/ 7, Hey I called you why didn't you answer.  You might say, That sound like "women"  Trust me , some men do  it Bummer!!

Muslim proposal

It’s quite tough to raise your offspring in western country, or even non Islamic countries.

With that been said, it's Gods choice. Whoever he pleases will be guided to the right path. However, there are numerous youth who are walking on the right path, which is tremendous .

On the other hand, lately I have been over hearing the new term called “Muslim proposal”
I’m not  against the Islamic law. Let me make this a fair game and explain to you the meaning  of“Muslim proposal “. The term means to go straight the wali (guardians) when you are interested to married to her. Now when I said “straight” I deadly mean straight, complete stranger.

I know what you are thinking, this is the Islamic sha’ria and it should done this way and NO other way. So what is your problem ?

My problem is I don’t like games!!!

This is how it goes. He goes to his parents and says : he is interested in such and such girl. His parents are thrilled with their son. With a blink of eye, they take off : to get her for him. She declares she never ever seen him nor watched a movie about him. Then they ask for her approval, she asked for her parents endorsement, "If and Only you guys are satisfied with him".

PINGG!! Magic happens

You noticed this too know each other.

The dilemma comes here, this is a twisted game. When the brother comes and asks for the sisters hand. And agreement takes place. 99% of them their intention is far fetched from marriage.

It’s a way to have one-on-time. But they refuse to call it “DATE” Wait, last time I checked, I don’t care whether the father gave her to you or not. Before that nikkah (Wedding ceremony ) take place it’s STILL Haram ( forbidden). I’m not trying to be racist nor anything in that kind of  nature, but this game was started by the Arab girls. And the cause is they are extremely controlled by their parents. The more you control your child the more they would want to go towards such an action.

A long Nap

Muslims are walking in the dark with one eye closed. Correct me if I’m to error, but
Don’t you see the thin line, that began from Iraq, (middle east( and will soon unite with the one that is dangling from Northern African, drag it upward from East Africa you will be able to connect it . . There are creatures in this world that would do anything, and I MEAN ANYTHING, to destroy every standing Muslim Nation.
They claim their obligation to “Protect Civilian” over their dictatorship. What happened to Iraq, where are the terrorist? Did they vanish to Palestine or Somalia or maybe they are resting in the corners of the Afghanistan Mountains. Oh wait I know they fled to Libya or maybe Tunisian, Oh no, are they hiding in Egypt. Have you heard about Iraq for the past 6 months? Have you seen an image of the land? YES” the “LAND” it doesn’t look like a land now but it was. They scream from the top of their lunges about “Humanitarian”. Don’t they see Palestine’s throwing rock and the Jews, and they are using Tanks?






That is okay?
What why, what happened to Human rights?
Shhhh They are Muslims.
Ohhh , Okay.
When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. They’ll shed the blood of their brother for a foreign high-quality. They will demolish, and tear down every corner of their land for fame. They will risk their own soul for wealth. Guns don’t kill people — people do. The conspiracy is being held in our present, yet we choose to close our eyes, and pretend we don’t see it. They speak softly and warn each other “Beware of a man with one book”. Yet they denigrate the amount of blood that is pouring down the rivers. Yet they charge falsely, and blame the one behind you, the one next you to, and the one close to you. You and I, we both know they are off beam. But we choose not to elucidate. However they whisper to each other, “Don’t you dare turn the lights on for them”. Whoever takes such an action will be vaporized. You are not allowed to lend those lenses nor magnet. Don’t arouse them.

An Italian Artist drew sleeping lion. On top of it bugs where laying eating him up little by little. On top of the Lion he wrote “ISLAM. Can you imagine the worst case scenario, if that lion wake up from the nap. Hope you could get snap shot of the illustration here.

April

Have you heard that blog will no longer be free. Yes, they are going to charge. How sad, thinking about quitting.

Did you believe that.. POOOYAA .. You just got pranked.

I've never fooled anyone on Aprils Fools Day, however I can not deny : I have been in  a conspiracy, helping others on their journey of prank. Even though I had pessimism felling about their precarious actions.  Nor have I ever been fooled, for some reason I am walking, talking calendar. I tend not to forget what day it is. I even know what day it will be 2019 June 3rd, it will be "Monday". JUST KIDDING!!!

Some people are haste decision makers, when it comes to April fools day, they  take it over the board. By scaring people to death , hurting them emotionally and Physically. This day is  supposed to be FUN!! Make you laugh and after wards make them laugh. 

Hijab + Skinny Jeans

The most preposterous  thing Muslim girls do (in the western world) The newfangled style,  wearing  Hijab (Masha'allah ) at the same time  they are wearing  skinny jeans. They presume they are cover, their mind is preoccupied that they  are dressed probably according to Islam. Most of them argue, "I'm wearing hijab my hair is not showing, plus my bottom is covered. so what".

Yes, The most sinful awrah is the hair(according to female). The common misconception is most people are not familiar with the word "Hijab"  The word itself comes from the Arabic word "hajaba" meaning to conceal or hide from view. Hijab is the modest covering of the HEAD to TOE

In Surah Nur

"And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their beauty except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to Allah together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful."

   

Plus They come to the masjid of Allah swt  dressed like that . Yet they have the guts to talk about how  embarrassed they were today or yesterday when such and such had  occurred. They are disconcerted  on the eyes of the society. But they stand in front of their creator looking like that and not feel ashamed.   If they were to have an interview for a job. There is no doubt whether  or not they would dress  professional to please interviewee.   Today most of us don't strive to please our creator the   Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Allah swt is qafuru'rahiim"  ( Most Forgiving). But we are weak and the shaydaan is sure keeping the promise that he  made to misguide the ummah of Aden. (as)

Why Islam prohibits polyandry

  I was once watching Discovery channel . A country in South Asia called Nepal one of their few clan   practice polyandry.  In order to avoid confusion of unknown father when she gets pregnant. they only allow brothers to marry one wife. Since advancement of medicine and technology  is able and they won't be able  to specify  the real father if  few unrelated male marry one women. They perform this act for several reasons, such as. The men over populated  females. And one of the major reason is   financial   crisis . Instead  of providing for different house holds. Why not only spend it on ONE house hold.

 

  Having several husbands, the wife  will not find it possible to perform her duties as a wife.  Woman who have more than one husband will have several sexual partner.. Which will also require the wife to  shift over each night. Therefor a  higher chances of  developing  sexually transmitted disease. Also it can build negative qualities to the offspring. Lets say  there is to occur a battle between the brothers. And they decide to go into different directions. If you and I were drinking a milk and we pour our milk in one bowl and decided to take back. You and I will be able to take back the amount of milk that was in our glass, but can you be able to separate your milk from mine. It's preposterous.   What kind of men wants to share his wife with his brother subhana'laah  It's just a disgusting act. Everything that Islam prohibits and obligates  has it's own reasons.  

Officially Nerd!

 People call me geek, Nerd, before I even start wearing glasses, . I usually wondered if they were being sarcastic. Not That I was as smart as they though I was. I use get "F"s  now and again.  BUT who knew , I NOW  officially consider myself A NERD, Who knew the nerd would get accept to University.And perhaps get scholarship. My GPA is average. 3.0. (Not the best.)..

However, I didn’t perform well on my SAT/ ACT, I got nervous the first time when I saw too many Asians   in the line . So I decided. To take it again in October. And then Again got edgy and made lower percentile then previous. (Asian were still there of course :) Stupid me I forgot that they  combine both grade. Nor did I  joined a club, I played Soccer freshman year and I quit it . My extracurricular was down the toilet. I did some volunteering now and again. But it didn’t last more then two weeks.( DON'T EVER share you dirty laundry with the administration.)

Long story short. My transcript  is not cute. So I just but the trust on Allah swt. and applied to two of so considered the best Universities in town . I received  a rejection slip From UNT.  Then I lost hope. I was getting ready to attend Community college. Then I received an Email asking for my  official SAT score and  an essay for the scholarship.  I send them an essay.  After 3 weeks and so. They again  send me another email asking for the transcript. I was ashamed with my transcript honestly.  I send it after a week with one eye closed. After 3 days I received a letter from them. I didn't opened it. I could smell  the rejection. So I went to sleep. After magrib I said tawakal  Alallah  and opened it. I even had a bones letter in there with scholarship. You may now call me a nerd ...

You could never pay back

Image via Wikipedia

So FAST!!

The weather was nice last week.Mother and I decided to take a walk.  On our way back home, there was unbalanced rock,which she didn't see.  I was  walking next to her and  bothered by the little chiwawa  barking.

I turn and I saw her half way to the ground, I tried to catch her but it happened so fast. There was nothing in between her and the sidewalk. Thanks god there was no cars in the street.  Alhamdulilaah  it was  not severe.  She said when you guys were little when ever you fall , I hold it you tight to comfort you, blowing over your wound  carefully till you stop crying. Now it's your turn to take care of me.  As I was cleaning her wounded noise .  I realized  how time has taken its toll on her. Day after Day how fragile she looked. Her face surrounded by these countless lines. Her gray hair display under her scarf. I couldn't help it,  tears passed though my eye line. I didn't know why I teared.  is it  because I was thankful For having  just a great mother. Was I scared of taking over,Now that she was in  position  that she needed us. and doubted  whether I could be as kind and caring and loving as she was to us.

Or was I  just not ready for it.  I remember sleeping well,  when I fall sleep on her lap. I remember the food tasting incredibly  good  when she cooks it . I remember feeling worried when she leaves, worrying if she would come back. I remember having the biggest smile on my face when I see her come back.   How comfortable I use to be to share my dreams/ and stories with her. How I loved when she tells us the story about the man who had two wives. Even though she told us 1000 times. But she never got tired of watching us burst out laughing. When she went to the whole neighborhood and praise about our accomplishment in school. How she made us  up keep our head up no matter what.  When she didn't had the  the 10 dollars for our transportation, we watched her go up and down the hill  tears on her chicks searching for a loan to get us to school. How she knew when we do things and try to hide it from her. She use to tell us that she has an eyes on the back of her head. And we believed her.   All Praise to Allah. Only He knows when our time is due . I pray everyday to die first before my mother is gone.

Questioning God's Existence

I spoke with a Teacher, It's not usually what I do. If I ever do exchange words With Teacher it's based on my grades and improvement. But   some how our conversation  started from my Hijab(head cover) To a point where he told me that : He stop believing in god long time ago.

 I asked why? But he didn't answer.  His silence proved to me that  some where in his heart he believes in some kinds of existence of creator.


I'm sure some where in your heart, you believe in some kind of God,
He retort, YES! out loud
He continued, I use to go to church, all they preached about was:  damning of  god, all the awful things that he will do to us if we didn't follow what it said in the bible. He'll Punish forever those who decided not to believe in him. It's either "Hell or Heaven".  I always had condemnation about Christianity.
But you know what I don't understand is even, if God does exited and it's all  true, the god that  Christianity  depicted is way  far from being worthy of worship.


Why? I asked


 If god is all powerful like they say, the one that  created the universe and everything in between , who had unlimited power and knowledge. Yet they also showed a god so insecure that he needed his tiny creations to worship and praise him, to accept him as the most important thing in their lives.


What this grown  man who calls him self "Educated", what he didn't understand is the meaning of the  word "worship" OR maybe Christianity define worship as he said.


Of course god is not gaining anything from his tiny creatures whether they worship him or not.

To understand why human beings need to worship God, one must first understand what is meant by the term ‘worship.’  ,,, ‘worship’ meaning ‘honor.’  Consequently, worship in the English language is defined as ‘the performance of devotional acts in honor of a deity.’  According to this meaning, man is instructed to show gratitude to God by glorifying Him. 

In the Quran, God says: “Glorify the praises of your Lord...” (Quran 15:98)

in the Quran , God states:

“The seven heavens and the earth and whatever is in them glorify Him and there is nothing which does not glorify His praise.  However, you do not understand their glorification.” In this sense, glorification also becomes worship when humans choose to obey God’s instructions regarding His glorification.  

At this point I was speechless with this insanity. I was raised in house hold where god exited. And in my heart I believe in god. Absolutely did I had ever doubted.  He told me that he was always depressed ,anxiety, Lonely,  tried some various of  therapies but their is emptiness in my heart. I want to be loved, and cared for. Like others. Who are reaching their goals and gaining happiness. Ever year I feel like I have not achieved anything substantial.  Sometimes  I pray in the middle of the night but there is no answer.


I asked what he meant by "there is No Answer"
To let me know, show me signs of his existence, anything, He said


 Our neighbor has 6 year old son, She once asked me to pick him up from school. As we were walking toward home. He looked up and asked me, who build the the sky?


I said, I did.
He laugh, you are not that tall.
Then I said okay mommy did
No! she did not
okay dad it.
He is short too , he said
Then I asked him, then who do you thing did.
He said I don't know, I don't thing there is a human tall enough to built it, even if they use tall  latter nor get on top of  the plain.


A child just six years old is intellectually capable of figuring out that there is something else beside mommy  and daddy(HUMAN). If you happened to be walking and you saw a footprints You won't question whether someone have been  here , you won't doubt whether they rolled in the sand or walked. You  won't be able to find who walked if you get in the crowd. But somewhere  in your eyes you know what you saw. I don't know how more clearly this can get. Just look around you!  Is human capable of such creation?. Is science that Powerful. Are You stupid enough to thing the sky is blue because it reflects the ocean.


When this man said, he prays but there is no answer. What he means is : while he was praying he wanted god to open his window and cold wind to enter and touch his body and  tremble. To show his existence and sign of god showing his gratitude to him. Or he perhaps wanted god to break his lamp or shake his bed to show his existence and that he was mad at  him.  His brain is FULL of  Lack of intelligence. Or maybe that's what they preach about. How god will punish you. In order to make one love god. But Islam  teaches us how great God is.


 His emptiness  came from perhaps him not believing in god. Those who DON'T believe in God. No matter what they accomplish they fell "Less". They find themself  "Lost" in the middle of the night staring at the 4 walls. They have  "Lack of confidence" They always feel "Lonely" They think they need others to love them and help them out,  reach out to them .( THE ONLY help they can get is the Help of GOD, all it takes is believing in God). They blame god for being sick, They blame god for living in proverty. They claim if such God  exists than why I am I in this situation. state of being angry they deny his exists. stubbornly and arrogancy pushed them to the thin line. They take the hard road. They soon see no reason to live, and not worthy. So they end their life.  They refuse the  fact that God will test Them, Few pass the test, those who have faith, those that are strong. They are not left out, they get reward hereafter. 

reflect as if in a mirror

Ever felt like being selfish, self-centered , wrapped up in your own world. Just to protect your self from harm. There is no question if I am hurt at this point or not but, it just felt like it might go beyond the limit, because what your brain thinks and what your heart feels can sometime damage you. It pushes you to the thin line to actually run as far as possible. I might be selfish or childish, or put my self to sleep crying . But it's the only way that makes me feel safe. Hate to admit this but I never stand up for my self, I was always in shell protected by hard outer covering layers. Or perhaps I have not came a cross in time during my life at a point when I was so lost. Questioning my self Day And Night. Sadly the Sun rises and sets without an Answer. There comes a time in your life when you can not share your thoughts , when you can not explain your feelings , That little VOICE in the back of your head says " The best way is to keep it silent, hold it deep down". Tomorrow will be different day, You will forget it all , and look back ONE DAY and not regret. Because it made you Smile.







Maybe had became my enemy , maybe it's not the right time, maybe I am not the right one , maybe..maybe..maybe..I am not worthy !


Free from blame but deep in guilt .. free from blame , fact is I was unfamiliar I might uttered bit of "Tall Tale". Deep in guilt should have know better, and should have put into stop long time ago. But I have No power of fate.


Allah's predestines all . I have no control, I owe an apology to my self, for that dilemma. I pray everyday ,, Allah to  lead umatul islam  to the right path, indeed this is for the best.


I find my self in different mood as the days goes on.. months , and years, why shouldn't I move on. It's hard .. But it will stop the tears .. "Just kidding". only xalwo does that job: lol.. but really it will cure my damaged heart. .. If I had the chance to say one word One last time ....... " "Thank you" .........


Perhaps I will look back one day and smile and say  HEY!  " evol ni neeb evah I "